Are we breaking up?
Oh no, I need some dopamine...
Hey Rewire Collective!
Welcome to this week’s newsletter! We’re exploring the changes in our brain following a breakup, and what we can do about it.
PS: I WROTE A WHOLE CHAPTER ON BREAKUPS IN REWIRE! So, if you haven’t got your copy yet…
A Breakup Changes Our Brain Chemistry
Chemicals in our brain that allow neurons to communicate – neurotransmitters- change after a breakup.
Dopamine – the want and reward neurotransmitter – declines after a breakup or separation (1).
We essentially have a withdrawal period after a breakup, because our bodies became used to getting dopamine and other feel-good neurotransmitters (like serotonin and oxytocin (2)) from our partner, which we no longer have. This drop in neurotransmitters means we experience low mood, sadness, and a feeling of emptiness (3). We’re no longer wanting.
I explain this in even more detail in my new YouTube video, check it out!
The good news is that new research shows that this decline in dopamine after a breakup actually enables us to find a new partner (1).
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How do scientists study this?
Scientists can look at brain activity by using MRI scans, but researchers have also been using prairie voles to study these relationship dynamics! Prairie voles make a great model because they form enduring social bonds, are highly affiliative, and both parents care for offspring (4)!
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A Breakup Changes our Brain Activity
When we’re in love, we see a lot of activity in the right ventral tegmental area and right caudate nucleus – both areas are rich in dopamine (3). This shows how our dopamine system is so tightly entwined with our feelings of romantic love. We want and crave love.
And the wanting doesn’t stop as soon as we breakup. Our brain is wired to crave our ex for some time after the separation. These dopamine-rich brain areas I mentioned can become overactive when seeing a picture of an ex-partner after a breakup, causing a spike in dopamine, furthering the craving (5). Withdrawing from a partner is similar to withdrawing from a drug.
We also see activation of the amygdala when people experience a breakup and the associated grief (6). The amygdala is particularly important for emotional memory, and our experience of grief and sadness following a break-up is largely modulated by the connection between our amygdala and our prefrontal cortex (the ‘control’ and regulatory area) (6). There is some evidence that the effects of a breakup on our emotions and attention correlate to the strength of the connections between the amygdala and prefrontal cortex (6). Therefore, the stronger the connection of our amygdala and prefrontal cortex, the more likely we may be to ruminate. This is why you may find it difficult to concentrate after a breakup.
We also see sex differences in how our brain circuitry responds to a breakup. Men appear more likely to be distracted, while women are more likely to ruminate (6).
But there is good news once again! The increased activity in our frontal cortex after a breakup appears to function to inhibit our impulses and redirect our attention to new behaviours (7).
Top Tips
Avoid looking at pictures of your ex-partner or any reminders of them. Being reminded of them will cause a dopamine surge that will lead to craving and withdrawal.
Replace the old surges of dopamine with new, healthy ones: exercise is a good one! With the added benefit of endorphins.
You’re Not Alone: The Power of Collective Healing
Are you navigating a divorce, breakup, or the end of a situationship?
Do you keep checking their social media?
Do you feel like you lost yourself in this relationship?
If you find yourself answering yes to these, then join me on this ride to Rewire Your Heartbreak!
Until Next Week,
Nicole x
P.S. Leave a comment below for topics you want covered in future newsletters!
References