I Have a Crush on You
What should I do?
Hey Rewire Collective!
Welcome to this weeks newsletter. We’re diving into the neuroscience behind crushes – why we should enjoy them when we can, without losing ourselves to them.
Being drunk in love is very real!
The Reward Area – Dopamine
Ever wonder why you seem to forget about your need for sleep when you have a crush – staying up all night texting them? Well, when we first start crushing on someone, the reward area of our brain, in particular the ventral tegmental area, becomes highly active1. Dopamine is released from the substantia nigra, acting on the nucleus accumbens (responsible for craving and wanting) and the hypothalamus, driving changes in motivation and reward behaviours, stress, and even changing our body’s cues for sleep and hunger1,2.
Fight-or-Flight Hormones
But other hormones, like noradrenaline and cortisol, are also increased2,3. These guys are responsible for the heart-pounding excitement and nervousness you get around a crush. You forget your words and can’t seem to think straight. It can feel extremely similar to anxiety, since after all, these are the hormones responsible for our fight-or-flight response.
Serotonin
On the downside, serotonin is also affected by having a crush4,5. In the case of serotonin, we see a decline in production. Since serotonin is responsible for stabilising our mood and stopping obsessive/compulsive behaviour, this can be a problem. This is why crushes can lead to obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviour around crushes.
Similarily, the increase in dopamine that I talked about before does make us feel good, but changing our body’s cues for sleep and hunger can be dangerous. This combined with obsessiveness can lead to neglecting our own health and wellbeing.
A healthy crush
Personally, if you had to ask me how to navigate a crush, I would differentiate between a crush and actually liking someone because I could have a crush on the barista of my favourite coffee shop but never feel inclined to act on it. I think some things should just be enjoyed for what they are… from a distance.
When would I act on it? Usually, I sit with it for a while. I make sure that I actually have some real interest in this person and that it isn’t just a fleeting moment of dopaminergic activity impairing my ability to make sound judgements. I make sure that the reason I fancy them is valid. That my values align with theirs, or that their interests align with mine and that there’s actually something worth pursuing.
How to Savour a Crush and Be Healthy
So what should we do?
Try to savour the positive feelings a crush can bring about. Studies show that crushing can lead to decreased loneliness, improved confidence, and more creativity. Enjoy the dopamine that crushes bring on! And perhaps use that fuel to create something noteworthy, even if it’s just for you.
Schedule in some self-care time, dedicated to you.
Get dopamine from exercise and nature as well!
Make plans with existing friends and family, to boost your serotonin naturally.
Until Next Week,
Nicole x
P.S. Leave a comment with topics you want covered in future newsletters!
References