Mood Thieves: Why Some People Wear You Down (and What to Do About It)

Hey Rewire Collective!

Welcome to this weeks newsletter! Let’s talk about how to handle those negative people in your life.

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How to Handle Negative People Without Losing Your Mind

We’ve all been there, stuck in a conversation that drains you, surrounded by people who seem permanently pessimistic, or walking away from a family gathering feeling deflated.

But this isn’t just emotional. It’s neurological.

Let’s break down how negative people affect our brains, and what you can do to protect your peace (without ghosting your entire family).

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🧠 You Become Who You’re Around (No, Really)

We’ve all heard “you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” But science backs this up.

Studies in social neuroscience show that prolonged exposure to someone else’s emotional state can alter your own. This happens through a process called emotional contagion, where we unconsciously "catch" others' moods via mirror neurons and neural synchrony (1, 2). This mirroring helps us connect, but it also means negativity is contagious.

Functional MRI studies show that when we watch someone experiencing emotion, especially someone we’re close to, our brain activates in the same areas as if we were feeling that emotion ourselves (3,4). We don’t just understand what they feel. We feel it.

So, when you're around someone who’s always negative, critical, or draining… your brain starts to adapt to that baseline.

If you want more tips than just the below, I’ve got a YouTube video about it!

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1. Set Boundaries (Even When It Feels Impossible)

Setting boundaries isn’t about being rude, it’s about protecting your mental bandwidth. But why is it so hard, especially with family?

Part of the reason lies in attachment theory. Early emotional bonds, especially with caregivers, lay the foundation for how we regulate emotions. For example, a child with an overbearing or emotionally dysregulated caregiver might grow up learning that their needs come second (5). These dynamics are deeply ingrained and can make asserting boundaries feel unsafe.

But protecting your peace isn’t selfish.

Start with small boundaries: ending a draining conversation, physically stepping away, or even saying “I’m not in the right headspace for this right now.”

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2. Stay Calm—Because Emotions Are Contagious

Ever noticed how someone else's stress makes you feel jittery? Or how someone else's laughter is infectious?

That’s your mirror neuron system in action. These are neurons that fire both when you act and when you observe someone else acting (6). This system helps us empathize and connect, but it also means we absorb others’ moods.

Our mirror neuron system activates when we perform the same action as someone else, and are performing the action with them. This can be helpful to feel togetherness and empathy, but it can also be draining if the situation is negative. Created in https://BioRender.com.

This is why staying calm around negative people is so powerful. By breathing slowly and keeping your voice even, you activate a process called co-regulation, where your nervous system can help theirs settle down too (7,8).

Even more wild? Studies show we synchronize breathing rates and heart rhythms with those around us during shared experiences or intense conversations (9, 10). You’re not just absorbing their emotions, you’re syncing to them.

So when someone’s spiraling? You don’t need to match them. You can anchor the energy instead.

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3. Redirect the Conversation

When you feel the spiral starting, redirect.
Negativity often thrives in repetition. It’s the same complaint, over and over. You’re not being rude by shifting focus—you’re preserving energy.

Try:
👉 “That sounds really hard. What’s something that’s gone well this week?”
👉 “I hear you. Want to brainstorm a solution or just vent?”

Both validate and redirect, without being dismissive.

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4. Practice Empathy (But Not At Your Own Expense)

Empathy doesn’t mean agreement. Sometimes people are negative because they’re burned out, overwhelmed, or emotionally under-resourced. Brain imaging studies show that empathy activates both affective (emotional) and cognitive (perspective-taking) brain networks, which means you can feel with them without feeling like them (11).

Ask yourself: “Do they have the capacity to show up differently right now?” If the answer is no, meet them with compassion—but maintain your boundaries.

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5. Prioritise Self-Care

After being around a negative or draining person, your nervous system is often on high alert. That’s why self-care can be an important way to decompress. Exercise boosts serotonin and dopamine. Mindfulness reduces amygdala activity (12). Sleep helps clear stress hormones.

Do what you need to do—walk, journal, lie down, blast some music. Your brain needs time to reset.

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Protect your peace. Regulate your energy. Rewire your brain.
🧠⚡💪

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Until Next Week,

Nicole x

P.S. Let me know what topics you want covered in future newsletters!

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References

1. Hasson, U. et al. (2012). Brain-to-brain coupling: A mechanism for creating and sharing a social world. Trends in Cognitive Sciences.

2. Dikker, S. et al. (2017). Brain-to-brain synchrony tracks real-world dynamic group interactions. Scientific Reports.

3. Zaki, J., & Ochsner, K. N. (2012). The neuroscience of empathy. Current Directions in Psychological Science.

4. Anderson, C. et al. (2003). Emotional convergence between people in close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

5. Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development.

6. Rizzolatti, G. & Craighero, L. (2004). The mirror-neuron system. Annual Review of Neuroscience.

7. Feldman, R. (2007). Parent–infant synchrony and the construction of shared timing; physiological precursors, developmental outcomes, and risk conditions. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry.

8. Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory.

9. Konvalinka, I. et al. (2011). Synchronized arousal during cooperative interaction. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

10. Helm, J. L., Sbarra, D. A., & Ferrer, E. (2014). Assessing cross-partner associations in physiological responses via coupled oscillator models. Emotion.

11. Decety, J., & Jackson, P. L. (2006). A social neuroscience perspective on empathy. Current Directions in Psychological Science.

12. Hölzel, B. K. et al. (2011). Mindfulness practice leads to increases in regional brain gray matter density. Psychiatry Research: Neuroimaging.