Attachment Styles
They're coded in our genetics...
Hey Rewire Collective!
Welcome to this week's newsletter! This week we’re going to explore the meaning of attachment styles and the neuroscience underpinning them.
What is an attachment style?
When I say attachment style, you probably think about the attachment styles described by James Bowlby1 and Mary Ainsworth2 about 70 years ago – ‘secure’, ‘avoidant’, ‘anxious’. But what is an attachment style describing?
Described by James Bowlby: “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings.” So, an attachment style is the way we think about, feel about, and interact with other human beings. And particularly in the context of intimate relationships (friendships, partnerships, familial relationships).
The way we think about, feel about, and interact with other humans is of course going to be driven by our early childhood experiences of humans. Humans learn by watching. How did your caregivers interact with one another? How did they interact with you? How were friendships modelled in your household? Did you feel that humans were reliable? Were they caring? Did they make you feel happy and comfortable and confident? These early interactions and resulting feelings will of course shape our future ability to interact with others – as we discussed when talking about EMDR.
The way we learn to behave with other humans is based on what served us as children. If a caregiver was unreliable, then you learn to avoid others, because they are not a source of comfort and safety. You make your own comfort and safety. If your caregiver only responds to you when you act out, then you learn that acting out is the only way to get attention, and you repeat that pattern.
The origins of attachment theory
The original attachment theory was developed by James Bowlby1 and then substantiated by evidence from Mary Ainsworths2 studies. Attachment theory proposes that individuals develop internal working models of attachment from early childhood experiences with caregivers which then guide our future social cognition, emotional regulation, relationship dynamics, and psychological wellbeing.
Bowlby proposed four main characteristics of attachment: proximity (wanting to be close to people who make us feel safe), safe haven (returning to the person for comfort and safety), secure base (feeling more confident around the attachment figure), and separation distress.
Mary Ainsworth tested these in an experiment that observed how children reacted in situations with and without their mothers and strangers (see Strange Situation). For example, a child with a secure attachment will be mildly distressed when their mother leaves them, wary of strangers when their mother isn’t present but confident to explore when she is present, and will be happy when their mother returns. The reactions of children lead to the categorisation of the three, now famous, attachment styles: secure, anxious, and avoidant.
The neurobiological underpinnings of attachment theory
Neurobiological studies, which use different methods to study brain activity, have shown that there are differences in brain connectivity and volume in individuals with different attachment styles. For example, emotional regulation is dependent on attachment style3. Indeed, we see that insecure attachment as an infant predicts the neural underpinnings of emotion regulation in adulthood4. Additionally, we see that hippocampal volumes, the brain region responsible for memory, differ in children that were raised with different parental styles5. We see that brain connectivity is aberrant in individuals who have experienced childhood trauma6. And at a deeper level, we see differences in receptor expression on brain cells in individuals with different attachment styles7.
At an even smaller level, the epigenetic level, we see differences corresponding to attachment style. In our brains and throughout our body we have receptors for glucocorticoids, or hormones that play a role in stress and immune responses. We know that glucocorticoids and their receptors (which interact like a lock and a key) play a role in hippocampal plasticity and stress response. Interestingly, we see that the gene encoding these receptors can mediate what type of attachment style someone will have. If the gene for the receptors has a methyl group on it (imagine a charm for your crocs, but it’s a methyl group on the gene), then children who are stressed are more likely to develop an anxious style of attachment9. The same has been found for the oxytocin receptor, a hormone crucial for social bonding, love, and childbirth. A methyl group on the oxytocin receptor gene is associated with avoidance attachment styles10. Conversely, people with less methyl groups on their oxytocin genes displayed more secure attachment styles11.
Can we change?
So yes, our attachment style is associated with our biology. Perhaps this is not so surprising, considering attachment styles describe our behaviours and different behaviours often arise from different biology. But I guess the question we all want to know is can we change for the better?
Let me repeat here again that there isn’t one entirely bad attachment style and one entirely good attachment style. All have advantages and disadvantages, and all are the result of adapting to the environment we were raised in. They all served us well at some point in time.
But when aspects of them no longer serve us, it is fair that we may want to change them. We all want to feel safe, comfortable, and secure with our friends, families, and partners. Bowlby proposed the canalization theory of attachment, which suggests that the longer time goes on, the more stable these attachment styles become and therefore they are more difficult to change. However, recent research has shown us that although they may become harder to change, it is not impossible8. Long-term relationships can promote enhance feelings of chronic security8.
We know that our brain is capable of change and plasticity. One approach to changing thought patterns and behaviours is cognitive behavioural therapy, also known as CBT. This focuses on identifying the thoughts and feelings which drive our behaviours and identifying how our behaviors then drive our thoughts and feelings. This may be helpful for those struggling with anxiety, and perhaps anxious attachments. EMDR is a great therapy for dealing with traumas, which may also be affecting how we interact with others. Working on self-regulating our emotions is also an important part of developing more secure and healthy relationships. This can be achieved through various techniques, or even in therapy.
Until Next Week,
Nicole x
P.S. Leave a comment with topics you want covered in future weeks!
References
I’ve never been so annoyed with a methyl group. Get off my oxytocin receptor so I can have a more secure attachment!
I love learning the physiological mechanics of how these different traumatic experiences impact the brain. I find it helps me build compassion for my kids who all experienced early life trauma in their birth families and in foster care. Thanks for the explanations!
Excellent! Well done .
You should read Gabor Maté's book The Myth of Normal. It's all about the genesis of the attachment types and how it's the base for the rest of our life as adults.
That little charm on the crocs makes a world of a difference.
It reminds me of this contingency theory and of Blaise Pascals remark about Cleopatra’s nose, had it been shorter, the whole face of the world would have been changed.”
Keep up the great work 🙏🏻